J and I heard the heartbeat at the OB yesterday! Last time I couldn’t distinguish the heartbeat from the surrounding static—this time it was unmistakable, loud and clear, strong and sure! The rest of the visit went fine; the doc did show a little concern over my weight (it is still holding steady, although there is no denying that I have developed a little bulge that simply cannot be sucked in.) Just in time for the season of over-indulgence in all things rich and decadent I was encouraged to incorporate more ice cream into my diet.
However, it seems from the wonderful comments that I received last week that slow and little weight gain is fairly common for a first pregnancy, so I have ceased to waste my energies obsessing on that. Not that I am experiencing a shortage; "What to Expect" told me to expect more pep in my step this trimester and undeniably I am feeling peppier these days than I’ve felt in years!
This newfound source of power and drive is quite naturally making me a creature of twin desires: self-care and nesting. I have much to say about both but lets begin with:
During the three years that I’ve lived here I was The Half-hearted Homemaker. I had come to feel nothing more positive than an occasional fond appreciation for this house. My engagement in home improvement projects was often lackluster. My commitment to the house (and, to be honest, my life here more generally) was scattered, conflicted, and disorganized.
For more than a thousand days I flit from project to project. I immersed myself in gardening and cooking but could sustain interest in little else. I had some ideas about how to further transform this house into our home but I couldn’t bring myself to really commit to them. Now I feel curiously ready to move forward. Or maybe what I feel is more like: “ready or not, here I come!”
I began really feeling my oats last Sunday. Armed with a plan and a deadline I have set to work with surprisingly eager determination. This week I still have re-potting a few plants, painting the third floor hallway, setting up the fish tank, and, most importantly, finishing the living room drapes on my agenda. Despite being somewhat impeded by a number of daytime appointments, I have thus far sewn the curtain for the third floor bath (sort of a warm-up for the living room since I’m not using a pattern), and with J’s help, the hallway is already primed and ready for painting.
In preparation for a holiday party we are hosting on the 19th, I have sent out evites to our friends in the area, and delivered handwritten, personalized invitations for each of our neighbors. I planned the menu, compiled the recipes, made up the shopping lists, and made a schedule for prep work and cooking next week.
I have started on my Christmas Card list, have allotted the homemade gifts and begun wrapping them, have decided on gifts for five of my family members, and have given out my Christmas wishes list. ;)
The best part is—I am having so much fun! One of my neighbors commented on how it was late in the season and awfully short notice and probably not many of our neighbors would come to my party. I said to her, “that doesn’t really matter,” and I genuinely meant it. I don’t care if is only a party of two and J & I have to eat my lovely Chocolate-Malt Stump de Noël, with it’s adorable little meringue mushrooms, all by ourselves!
In past years some holidays have passed in this house barely observed. This year we will have a tree, candles, and twinkling lights. We will have garlands and wreaths and ribbons. We will celebrate! Our festively decorated home will chase away the dreary winter chill of this cold, wet city for me and J and our little palm-sized princess! (Or prince.) I am driven to create a warm, welcoming environment; a place of comfort and pleasure; for myself and my partner and this unknown new person. I feel impelled to reach out and strengthen my net of family and friends; I want to draw everyone into our celebration. I feel like the birds of spring that call out with delight as they gather twig and grass to make a home.
With fierce determination and joy in my heart I have begun to build my nest.